I break in to Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the
chandelier. It’s priceless. As I’m taking it down a woman catches me. She tells
me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say no. We make love
all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I
tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I
like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard: I have a son, and it’s the
chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to
meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She’s been waiting for me all these years.
She’s never taken another lover. I don’t care. I don’t show up. I go to Berlin.
That’s where I stashed the chandelier.

Old/used soccer equipment wanted for my kid. Will drive to pick up anywhere near Malvern. No calls, email only: ************@verizon.net
From Me to ************@verizon.net:

Hello,

I have a bunch of old soccer equipment that would be perfect for your daughter. I have soccer balls, nets, cleats, etc. Let me know specifically what you need and we can talk prices.

Thanks,

Mike

From ************@verizon.net to Me:

Actually the stuff is for my son because I want to get him started in soccer. I’m in need of a practice net, soccer ball and kids size 6 cleats if you have them. Thanks.

From Me to ************@verizon.net:

My mistake, I assumed it was for your daughter because it is soccer. If that is the way you want to raise your son, I have some other items you may want to buy for him. I have a pink twirling baton with silver ribbons, and a cheerleader set consisting of two pom-poms, pink cheerleader bloomers, and a toy megaphone.

I’m charging $100 for the practice net, $20 for the ball, $25 for the baton, and $30 for the cheerleader set. I don’t have kids size 6 cleats, but you don’t really need cleats for soccer anyway. Your son could probably just use his bunny slippers.

Let me know if you are interested.

Mike

From ************@verizon.net to Me:

Well I’m definitely interested in kicking your ****ing ass. One question, *******: if you think soccer is so gay, why do you have soccer equipment, and a cheerleader set and baton?

From Me to ************@verizon.net:

Please, you aren’t kicking anyone’s ass. The fact that you are getting your son started in soccer instead of football says a lot about you as a man.

To answer your question, I have the baton and cheerleader set as trophies. When I was a kid, I used to go around the neighborhood and beat up all the other kids who played soccer and steal their stuff. I acquired the cheerleader set and baton from this one kid in the neighborhood, Caleb. I always knew that kid wasn’t right - he used to ride around on a pink bike and always wanted to have tea parties with the other kids. I tried to help him by beating him up and stealing his baton, but I don’t think it worked. I saw him in Philly a few years ago, blowing some guy in an alley. Anyway, I kept my gatherings in my shed out back as a testament to my manliness, but I need to make room for my new shotgun and power saw.

So do you want the stuff or not? I also have Brokeback Mountain on DVD. I ordered Die Hard, but that was sent to me in error. It sounds like a movie that you and your son would enjoy watching.

From ************@verizon.net to Me:

You must be so proud of what a big man you are with your shotgun and power saw.

From Me to ************@verizon.net:

You’re goddamn right I am. It’s just part of being a man, which you apparently know nothing about. Tell you what - forget the baton and cheerleader set. I want to help you. I’ll sell you my shotgun for $1,700. It is a 10-gauge Remington that’ll put some hair on your chest. Take your son hunting with it. There is nothing more manly than blowing a deer’s head off and eating the raw venison from its neck.

Then, after you are done manning up, you can come back and I’ll sell you some football equipment for your son. I’d hate to see him blowing Caleb in an alley in Philly some day.

From ************@verizon.net to Me:

How about you take your shotgun and stick it up your ass and pull the trigger? Go **** yourself.

12:15pm - Arrive at apple store for an iphone replacement (or what I HOPE will be a replacement). Its crowded, never good news. 

12:17pm  - A 16 year with emo glasses and long hair walks up and says “hey bro! Whats up?? My name’s Adam what brings you in today??”  Yes, he is one of those type of people.  I already know at this point I don’t like Adam, probably will never like adam and that we have nothing in common.  I explain to him the various issues with my iphone. 

Adam:    No problem bro!  Let’s set you up with one of our geniuses!

Me: Who are these geniuses you speak of?

Adam: bro those are the folks back there that will fix you up no problem! they are the best! They are known as our apple geniuses

Me: Oh that’s rich

    So adam then sets me up with a 12:20 appointment,(I tell him my name is Roy) which is great because I only have to wait 3 mins.  Adam then starts talking to himself out loud.  He is describing the clothes I am wearing as he is entering them into his PDA.

Me: Please stop doing that.

Adam: Its ok Roy! this way the genius that helps you can find you easier.  You don’t gotta sweat it at all, THEY will come find YOU, just hang out and look around! You check out the new ipad yet??

Me:  I promise I will be VERY easy to find, there is no need for that. 

  I am realizing more that my completely unprovoked hatred of apple for all of these years was actually well worth it.  So then  i wander around and pretend like I’m going to buy an Ipad, but of course I’m really not.  Fun fact:  The ipad, while billed as innovative and multi-functional, is actually useless piece of whale shit. 

12:45pm -   They still have not found me for my 12:20 appointment. Anger rising. 

12:48pm - A young Indian man named “Fasul,” came over and told me he would be helping me out today.  After explaining the problem, AGAIN (because I just love repeating myself), he took my phone and hooked it up to diagnose the issues.

12:54pm - Fasul is back.  He asks me if the phone is registered under a different name. I tell him “Yes, my name is Roy, its short for Nick.”   I then have to confirm my real name and address for him.  The look on his face is priceless.

12:59- Fasul is back again.  He tells me that the reason for my poor battery life is MY fault.  Of course it is, it couldnt be the fact that the battery is a year and a half old and is past its useful life. No.  That can’t be it.  It can’t be it because Fasul’s computer SAID it can’t be it.  ALWAYS make it the customer’s fault, anyone who has spent 5 mins in customer service knows that.  The good news is that Fasul can repair the screen and send me on my way, along with a few “tricks,” (his words) to do for more battery life. 

 Me: Fasul, I would be MUCH more happier with a replacement iphone.  I must have watched 4 people get replacement iphones in the time I have been here.  What do you say we do that and call it a day?  Let’s do that, let’s do exactly that.

Fasul:  I am VERY sorry sir, but the issues with your phone do not warrant a replacement under our policy.  If you follow the steps I have explained to you things should go much smoother for you!

Me:  But what about the service issues?  Do you know any tricks for that?  Your computer said I was at like a 20% dropped call rate,  UNACCEPTABLE Fasul.  What can we do about that? I mean AT&T is has the least dropped calls right? Well apparently my iphone has a different opinion.

Fasul:  For that particular issue I couldn’t really tell you all that much, I can give you the name of someone at the AT&T store across the way that will help you out.  Just a sec I’ll get his card.

Me: (interrupting Fasul): That won’t be necessary. 

Fasul: Ok, well I’ll get your screen replaced, we’ll fill out some paperwork, and then we’ll have you on your way in no time. 

Me: Great, lets get me out of here.

1:10 pm - So i take out my repaired iphone.  Push button.  Slide finger to unlock.  Press phone icon.  Press favorites button.  Press “mom’s cell”.  Calling mom’s cell…..Calling mom’s cell…..

Me:”Dont you do this to me you piece of shit!!!”  This gets a few uneasy, cautious looks from fellow King of Prussia mall shoppers.  A mother with 2 young kids in tow does a 90 degree turn to walk on the opposite side of the mall to avoid me.

Calling mom’s cell…..Calling mom’s cell…………Call failed.

Love it.  Just love it, love it, love it, love it.

Farmville is an absolute shitpile. It is the worst game of all time and I am offended by its popularity.   It is an affront to my senses and dignity. Never has such a diasterously stupid annoying douchebag game been invented.  Instead of anything meaningful or even remotely amusing, now facebook is full of:

“John just bought a new cow!!”

“Carl’s hens just layed 3 eggs!!”

“TimTim is now a level 20 in farmville!!”

I get these childish, imbecilic updates at work while I watch the entire US economy crumble under the weight of this massive recession.  All day long nothing but updates on what shitfaced activities are going on in people’s imaginary farms. If there was any justice the designers of this game and their families would be eating out of trash bins for their part in the financial havoc they have caused.

Now I have strong credentials in this field, as anyone who knows me can tell you.  If there is one thing I love its playing video games.  But this is a travesty of unspeakable proportions.

The gameplay is such boiled down simplistic blah that any child can play it. It shows that they made this game mass market. But to actually get anywhere requires some, serious time input. Of course, that is why FarmVille makes money. Don’t want to wait to get that tractor? A credit card is all you need. The game is designed to make you so frustrated with its bad design that you will fix it with your money. People do. There is another term for Farmville…its called pyramid scheme.

You Are Being Lied To By The Entire Financial System

Peter Santilli

May 12, 2010

Almost every US Corporation will do and say anything to keep us spending money, regardless of what they know about the fragility of our entire financial system.  Bankster’s are now using world governments as patsies to commit the largest heist in world history.  Stealing a trillion dollars from US citizens proved to be too difficult, as they had to receive congressional approval to bail themselves out.  They’re recent scam involves using central banks to bypass democracy & funnel money to offshore entities without oversight.

So-called financial experts and analysts in the U.S. who never warned us about the financial/debt crisis are now putting out propaganda regarding our risk and exposure to the EU bailout.   If you don’t see what’s happening, let me reveal it to you:  Banksters are skirting US regulation & the US Constitution to ship money offshore to foreign central banks.  The US Treasury is the pawn Bankster’s have chosen to filter $50 billion to the IMF —–  like a thief in the night.  Bankster’s will never tell you the truth about our economic outlook because if they did, we’d all default on our mortgage loans and stop spending money altogether.

The US Government doesn’t want you to know the truth either, nor do they want you to know that they’re funneling taxpayer money to foreign banks.

The US Treasury has evaded the direct questions I’ve asked them about why, and on what authority they’ve given $50 billion dollars to foreign Bankster’s. (In fact, almost every time I called the US Treasury press office to speak to someone, it seemed as though their office is run by disorganized teenagers who fumble with the phone, mumble incoherent excuses as to why my questions couldn’t be answered, and when I finally reached a responsible person, they sent me a list of talking points that never answered my questions directly.)

Ladies and Gentleman, the Banking system has bought-and-paid-for laws that allow them to skirt regulation & oversight, and they’ve built one of the largest powder kegs that’ll destroy the entire global economy; the $700 trillion derivative’s scam.

You see, derivative’s are ticking time bombs that should actually be called “insurance”, but by calling them something else (like derivative’s), Bankster’s are able to get around the regulatory system set up for the insurance industry to minimize risk. Now, we have a $700 trillion ticking time bomb that was built without oversight, regulation, and accountability. (If you don’t know how much $700 trillion dollars is, Google  “GDP of the global economy” — the entire world GDP is estimated at $70 trillion).  As these risky insurance policies (called derivatives) have to be paid out, Bankster’s are losing their shirts, and now they’re extorting trillions more in bailout funds to cover what they knew all along were bad, risky bets.

The US Treasury is merely as high-rollin gambler with the audacity to give foreign Bankster’s $54 billion of our hard earned taxpayer dollars. What’s worse, they have an incurable gambling addiction don’t know when to stop borrowing money to offset their losses.

The Treasury is lying to you when they say   “The IMF has ample financing…”  No, Ladies and Gentlemen, there are no countries or banks that have enough money to cover the $700 Trillion dollars in bad bets that were allowed to be placed.   The US Treasury is merely trying to cover their betting losses, and do so by going around the American people.  The New World Order has been set up to avoid the US Constitution.

We cannot afford $50 billion dollars to cover a Bankster/government gambling problem.  We cannot afford to let any government agency raid the safe and throw money to foreigners without accountability to the American taxpayer.

If it’s legal; just remember who paid the politicians to pass laws that allowed them to get away with it.

Our government has been corrupted by Banksters, and we need to get rid of both entities if they chose to continue stealing from us.

Wake up people. When are we going to Storm the Bastille?   They’ve destroyed the US financial system, now they’ve moved on to implode the entire Global Economy.

PLEASE READ THE FOLLOWING BULLSHIT TALKING POINTS THE US TREASURY ISSUED TO JUSTIFY THIEVERY OF $50 BILLION

Imf Fact Sheet 5.12

Why litter?….Why not?

Man I love to throw shit out the window while I’m driving.  There’s nothing more satisfying than throwing garbage everywhere and letting everything go to waste.  Seriously, I say its time people felt good again about who they are: lazy bastards.  Let’s face it.  People are lazy. For example, there’s this guy at my work that comes in everyday bragging about what a good parking spot he has.  Oh wait, that’s me.  Getting a good parking spot kicks ass.  Why should I walk a few extra feet when I can drive around the parking lot for 20 mins until a good spot opens up? 

~maddox

After watching InfoWars.com’s latest documentary, Invisible Empire: A New World Order Defined, I feel all the more emboldened to state what I believe to be the truth.

After reading countless books and articles, watching numerous documentaries, and fighting with the part of me that doesn’t want to accept what my reason and logic demanded to be reality, I can now say, beyond a shadow of a doubt in my head, that we are living in a world controlled by a small group of elite men and women whose goals do not align with the goals of the common man. Call it the Council on Foreign Relations, the Trilateral Commission, the Bilderberg Group, the Royal Institute of International Affairs, the Rhodes Trust, the Bohemian Grove, the New World Order, the United Nations, the International Monetary Fund; in each case, you would be correct. These groups works in cohesion, directing mankind toward a future of their determination.

The plans of this group of elite men and women go back multiple generations and begin with infamous names, such as Rockefeller, Rothschild, Warburg, Rhodes, Morgan, Carnegie. These men controlled much of the wealth of the world, and with that wealth, they purchased consumer industry and production, as well as the media and government. After all, it was this very group of men who conspired to create the Federal Reserve; the private central bank which to this day controls our nation’s monetary policy with virtual immunity from governmental input or control.

Yet more disturbing, all of the major conflicts in which our nation has been involved can be traced back to the meddling of these men, who become richer with each skirmish via their military industrial complex. World War I was used as a device to get the United States population to concede to giving up part of their sovereignty to become a member of the League of Nations. Americans didn’t go for it. However a couple decades later, they conceded to joining the United Nations after World War II.

Even up to the present day, these false flag events are occurring at the behest of the global elite. What does “false flag” mean? It’s any covert operation which is designed to deceive the public in such a way that the operation appears as though it is being carried out by other entities. The name is derived from the military concept of flying false colors; that is, flying the flag of a country other than one’s own. The supposed terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001 are a modern-day example of a false flag event. Multiple books, articles and documentaries, citing countless experts whose testimony prove the attacks could not have transpired as our government claims, also prove that 9/11 could very well have been an inside job; a false flag event that led to our government seizing more liberty from us than perhaps has ever been seized in such a short amount of time.

9/11 is yet another example of the fact that people will give up their liberty if it happens gradually during peace time, or even demand it be taken from them after a false flag event; a scary thought when you realize the words of G. Edward Griffin are quite true: “The people running our country are determined to destroy it.”

Your average person would no doubt scoff at the thoughts expressed in this documentary. An elite group of global dictators controlling the planet, making diabolical plans that will lead to the mass genocide of much of humankind!? “That’s ludicrous,” most would say! Really it’s only ludicrous if you haven’t been presented with the conspiracy facts.

Have you ever heard of The Cremation of Care? Well, it’s a ceremony, during which the elite men of the world meet deep within the woods of northern California at the Bohemian Grove, and cleanse themselves of any guilt or feelings of compassion for the untold millions of human lives they must sacrifice in order to acheive their underhanded objectives. They purge themselves of earthly concerns. After all, they believe it’s their duty to guide humankind at any cost. And this is just the beginning of how crazy the truth really is.

We’ve compiled a list of books, and highly recommend the eye-opening documentaries on InfoWars.com that will enlighten even the most skeptical, grounded in perceived reality, partisan lay person. If you take the time to educate yourself, you will discover the truth.

When I spot someone wearing crocs, I know immediately that we have nothing in common and that we could never be friends or have nay meaningful kind of relationship.  They come in every conceivable color imaginable but look bad with every other article of clothign ever created.  Come to think of it, the only thing that goes well with crocs is social ostracism.

However to their credit, crocs serve as an excellent idiot barometer, you can tell a lot about a person who wears them. Namely to avoid them.  When it comes to shoes, there are generally 3 deciding factors: Quality, Cost, and style.  Some shoes are cheap and stylish, but terrible quality.  Other are stylish and durable but you have to put out some serious coin.  Crocs usually go for $25-$60, which doesn’t sound like much for a shoe, until you come to the realization that all you’re paying for is melted pellets squirted into a cast-iron mold in some backwoods slave province in China.  Crocs have the rare combination of being too pricey for their value, as well as ugly and poor quality.  It’s an amazing accomplishment for one shoe to suck so very badly. 

People who wear crocs go on and on about how comfortable they are and how it allegedly is odor resistent since its made out of some phony anit-bacterial foam.  Great Point.  You k now what else its resistent to? You getting laid. 

The usefulness of an oversized monster truck when destabilizing small countries is clearly evident.